An email:
This was posted on the EthopiaAdopt yahoo group this am, by one PAP:
"Our agency, which generally only discusses facts, not rumors, said that abandonment cases could start petitioning for a new court date today (July 2), but there were hundreds of cases. They said it might be a little while before they heard on when the dates will be. Also, there are families in our agency with abandoned children that will have court early next week."
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/EthiopiaAdopt/?yguid=243469481
*Note: If this is the agency I think it is, the families mentioned with court dates are new cases, not ones who already had court during the ban.
"Fantastic". So this family who had their referral on 12th of June will obviously really be heard on court only three weeks after their referral. While we, who had our referrals in January still have to wait. "Thank you" Ethiopian Authorities for being that UNFAIR :-(
ReplyDeleteNow, we don't know for sure if they'll be heard or not. Just that they're scheduled to be heard. We don't know what will happen when the time comes, maybe they'll get pushed back, but if new cases do indeed start to be heard before us, I will be PISSED!
ReplyDeleteWhy do the agencies bring these cases to the court before all the other cases (or don't these specific agencies have pending cases like ours?)? If they do, the agencies should be able to explain why they think the newer cases will pass, while the pending cases will not?????
ReplyDeleteI think you should be happy that the Government is looking out for the best interest of the children by making sure that they were legally adoptable and not stolen from their families. Very selfish to think of only yourself instead of the childrens well being.
ReplyDeleteWe also need to consider that other governments do not function like ours and 'fairness' is probably not their concern. Let's just all be happy for those who pass. Our time will come. Easier said than done,,,i know. Also, it is not the fault of the parents, so please take a moment to be happy for them. Bitternesss only breeds hatred.
ReplyDeleteNOBODY is selfish here. Perhaps emotionally fatigued, heartbroken, frustrated, sad and of course helpless....but from the posts I have seen and the amazing attention to this this situation, I would NEVER consider the term SELFISH....I am very proud to be among this group.
ReplyDeleteThe government already looked at the cases, that is why we have been told the investigation is over.
ReplyDeleteWhat is selfish about the fact, that I do not want my child to stay another several months in the children home, while the cases have been already cleared?
I bet you were not affected by such a ban and that is why you are talking so easily...
The court is probably just hearing the cases that are being presented to them. As someone said before, if the ban has not been lifted before their court date, I do not think they will pass.
ReplyDeleteActually, I am affected by this ban and was not sure if we were even going to be able to keep the child we were referred. But if the "line" gets out of order for court then so be it. Much worse things could have happened.
ReplyDeleteIf these families do pass court next week, that will be a great sign because it means things are moving again. We'll be happy for them and be glad that the timing worked out for them, but I think it's only natural to be a little jealous, also :)
ReplyDeletedon't think we should be calling each other names (i.e. selfish) on here. we're all hurting and raw already. and i should hope that we would all be GRACIOUS towards each other and allow for the expression of frustration, helplessness, sorrow, anger...whatever! and if you cannot overlook an opinion on here that you may not share exactly, then just try to be understanding...
ReplyDeleteWhy should I be happy for somebody who blocks the court dates of families waiting since months now?
ReplyDeleteI am not. And I feel okay about not being happy for them.
I am not self-forgetting. Why should I?
If there is any "announcement" tomorrow, I am sure we will not hear anything until Monday (at least in the US) because I am assuming most agencies (like mine) will be closed on Friday for the holiday weekend. :( Bummer.
ReplyDeleteI understand the frustration but this thread started very wrong. I can over look many of the expressions, but the feelings of wrongdoing with no expression of happiness for some of these families who have probably had their own setbacks through this process is (sorry, not selfish) very negative.
ReplyDeleteAnon 2:20, I had the same thought, that most of the U.S. agencies will be closed. I would hope that if there was any huge news our director would shoot us an email anyway.
ReplyDeleteOkay, since almost all the informations have been coming from US-Agencies in the past, we sure will have to wait until Monday :-(
ReplyDeleteOur agency (US) has assured us that if any news breaks over the weekend they will email us immediately. They currently have two reps in Addis trying to gather information.
ReplyDeleteI too don't believe anyone here is "selfish". Emotions are running raw for every family included in this nightmarish situation. I myself had to work through some jealousy this past week as dear friends of ours were given a court date even when they received their referral weeks after ours. But as I worked through my own jealousy God reminded me what a gift that another child is getting a forever family, even if it is not mine. I know that in our heart of hearts that is what all of us want. It is so difficult to be in this waiting season, however, I trust that we are all being grown in amazing ways through it and in the end we will be better because of it. We can either choose bitterness or joy when trials come our way- I choose joy.
OK, end of discussion. Being negative never helped, being angry at the 'haves' versus the 'have nots' is horrible. We are ALL in this situation and our hearts are ALL on the line as well as the kids involved. Many things in life are not fair, this is something we should have all learned in kindergarten. we cannot hold ANYTHING against folks whose time comes before our. Do you want to make this lucky family feel guilty in a time when they should be celebrating. Would you want someone to steal your thunder? SHAME on you.
ReplyDeleteANON at 2:35---Amen sister!
ReplyDeleteThe only shame is that some agencies are blocking court dates for new cases, while there are so many cases that have been affected by the hold and should be heard with priority!
ReplyDeleteAgain, shame on you.
ReplyDeleteAnon 2:49
ReplyDeleteWhat if it were your case being heard first. How would you feel about people objecting to it. It is not all about you.
In any case if they start hearing other cases than ours, there must be a reason for that. While we cannot do anything to help the situation, I think the time is wasted arguing who is selfish and who is right.
ReplyDeletePersonally I am happy for anyone receiving good news during this mess.
I just wasted 7 minutes of my life reading these ridiculous arguments!
ReplyDeleteIf you think it's unfair that one family is getting ahead of you, try adopting from other countries. In my first adoption 4 years ago, order was determined by how much money (ie bribes) each family paid. My case kept falling behind with every large 'donation' another family made, because I could not and would not go along with that. That country is now closed to international adoption as a result.
ReplyDeleteWow, That is nuts. THis really makes me happy about how our country works. Talk about fairness and transparency. After our CHinese adoption where we had to bring 3,000 in small, clean bills, that is nothing!
ReplyDeleteUmmmm....shame on the anon telling everyone "shame on you." Grow up and mind your own business. The point of the blog is to provide reliable information and hear different point of views on what is happening not bash one another. We are different people from different parts of the world and we are all going to view the situation with different eyes depending upon individual experiences and circumstances. Just consider yourself more rounded and open-minded for hearing and having the opportunity to understand someone else's take on this awful situation. Everyone is allowed to express how they feel without being attacked and if you don't like it then don't log on! It is very simple really. Just like you can express your opinion of happiness for others, others can express their jealousy, hatred or dislike of the situation. It does not make you foolish or others bad people.
ReplyDeleteI hope Europe gets some good news tomorrow...and whoever gets to pick up their child(ren) - congrats! On the flip side, an effort to hear the cases that have been put on hold because of the ban should be made with great chaste regardless of new cases.
This has been a hard experience and I know people are emotional about it. Let's all take a deep breath and hope for good news in the morning :)
ReplyDeleteI have waited 16 months next week...with my referrall of older kids waiting. I have watched dozens of families bring home their kids whils I wait in the wind. I am not jeaoulus or angry or ill feelings for any of them..in fact many continue to be supportive and reach out re: my crap situation...
ReplyDeleteHowever..it is unfair as the poster said above that they will hear new cases instead of focusing while we wait stuck
ANd that person is not selfish...I am not selfish..and I with my 16 mos wait could be very bitter and selfish..but not...just depressed..weary....and just about out of gas!
that was funny..who said wasting 7 minutes..thanks fro the laugh..i needed it
ReplyDeleteTwo questions that come to my mind:
ReplyDelete1. Why does only one agency have this information? Are other agencies not informed or do they just not communicate it to their families?
2. Why has a petition to be made? I was hopping, that they would take the list of our cases, which were not heard and then give them new court dates one after another...
Now it seems to me, that it will be a question of which rep is first...
Anon 1:28--
ReplyDeleteI don't get that either. But then again, there is so much about this process that I don't get!
And to those who are "jealous" of others whose new cases are being heard before your "old" ones: you are experiencing normal emotions. I strongly believe that if you can't recognize and feel your emotions then you can't move through them.
To those of you who think normal emotions are "selfish" and that people should feel "shame" about having them: thanks for perpetuating the belief that self-hate is good and that we should deny and ignore our feelings so that we can look moral and good. Way to go!
To the person, who is already waiting for 16 months now:
ReplyDeleteI really hope from the bottom of my heart, that you will be the first to get a new court date.
Your children can be very proud of you, not having given up during all these months.
So, it is July 3rd. Nothing? Again? 16 months...I give you every bit of credit you deserve for handling this for so long and being sane to boot. Please...I hope you get a good call soon...like today!
ReplyDeleteTo Anons July 3rd 3:41 and 7:41 am, Thanks for your good wishes and prayers. I am actually worried I am not sane anymore....this wait can tear you apart if you are not ready for it..
ReplyDeleteoops..that last one was from 16 mos..
ReplyDelete